June 27th, 2017

The heart is a desperately wicked thing, isn’t it? Where hope and sin are one and the same, and love it’s cruelest game.

It’s a gentle sting. But when it hits you, it kills you faster than you can ever run away. Not that you want to run. Sometimes you stand there so hopelessly paralyzed; be it by fear or awe or adoration.

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Hello.

Let’s say my name is Dorian DeVil. That’s a lie, of course. But if you know me, the way I hope you know me, you’ll know exactly why I picked that name. And for now let’s keep things anonymous. This blog will be more than just a personal blog. This is going to be the story of how I met you – every step of the way. And if you know me, again, the way I hope you do, you’ll fully understand me being drunk on gin as I type this. Maybe you’ll smile at the thought of that. You know how much I love gin.

Right now I am sitting on my mattress on the floor of my new apartment in San Francisco. I have recently moved here from Boulder, CO in the pursuit of one too many dreams – one of them being you. There is a special someone that is clouding my mind, as they have been for over a year, but that story is for another post (or maybe the rest of these posts). Every part of me hopes that this story all turns out to be for him. Currently I’m wearing his tie-dye Bonnaroo shirt. Partly because it’s been a hectic few days filled with Pride and cops and scaling walls, and partly because I just feel at home in his shirt. God, I hope this all turns out to be for him. Only time will tell. Maybe you will be someone better for me than he is. Again, only time will tell. As for now, we’ll be calling that silly boy Tommy. Again, a lie.

This post, though, is just a small introduction to the concept of what I am doing. This is me writing to you, my love. For you to understand how you came to be my everything. How the boy who ran finally stopped to rest in the arms of someone worthwhile. And though at this point I may not have met you yet, or maybe I have, I want to say thank you. You may never understand how thankful I am for you or just how much I love you. I hope that this blog will help you understand a bit more of who I am – of the shit show you so bravely chose to love.

Next we will continue with the story of Tommy. Is Tommy you? Right now I don’t know. I sincerely hope it is. But for now I am going to wrap up to drink gin and dance around my room to the music that makes me think of you. Maybe I’ll slip outside for a cigarette or two – I promise I will quit one day. I know how badly you wish I would.

With all the love in my heart,

Dorian DeVil

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